Where is Jeremy “Sessions” Hannan, and what did you do to him?

Last time I saw Sessions I was dropping him off on the corner of High and Chapel Street. He was wearing a pair of footy shorts, pink ugg boots and a fluffy leopard print trench coat, so your guess is good as mine. However, I have heard he goes by the name Gator these days if that helps.

We've all got demons, you seem to have more than most. Tell us about the demons in your head?

That's the thing, I'm known to have demons and most certainly should, but once those demons try and get into my head they realise pretty quickly that there’s a lot more going on in there then they anticipated. They don't seem to stick around. (QH: After some research we found out how he really manages his demons)

Gun to your head, you must pick one of the following to kick a goal from 30m, directly in front, who do you pick and why?

a) Andy Mathis

b) Jon Mercuri

c) Pat Allan

d) Jeremy Hannan

I'd have to pick Jon "Show Time" Mercuri. He’s the real deal in pressure situations and to be honest I don't think the other three would care much for my life!

One of the Old Xavs worst kept secrets is that you're the fearless leader of “The Pixies”. How do you keep them in line?

To become the fearless leader of a group like The Pixies you really have to lead with your eyes shut, blindfolded and going backwards. That's how The Pixies have become who we are. There is no direction other than intentional chaos and destruction. Keeping The Pixies in line though, I'm not very good at that, we leave that up to The Chairman and fossil of the group Squibers Skidmore.

It's the apocalypse, a deadly virus is sweeping through Melbourne. There is still time to make one final FaceTime call. Who do you call and why?

Hahahahaha. Well I guess if it's an apocalypse we're all dead anyway, so I'd have to get the boys around and call Dom Berry, for old time sake. We’d have a good old laugh on the way out.

How does your OCDs affect your life?

My OCDs have affected my life to the point that I don't know I'm doing them anymore. I touch wood a stupid amount of times each day and I have also been given the name “Janitor” by Gozo, because I'm constantly cleaning up.

Had you not joined the Old Xavs 8 years ago - where would you be now?

Probably back in Albury with a wife and four kids named Kayos, Shakira, Cody and Tracylyn and working at the local Cemetery as the Caretaker. Or in B grade with a bunch of losers playing footy for a shambles of a club. I was oddly considering playing there at one point.

What is your favourite footy trip moment of your esteemed off-field career?

A couple of moments come to mind:

- Spooning Bally on the grass at the Cairns races half-naked as a punishment from kangaroo court.

- Putting Skidmore in the bin in Hong Kong.

- Having Robert Cramer so generously lend his credit card to The Devil himself, Lachie Keith, for a night out with The Pixies and close friends in HK.

- My favorite moment is sliding the Jaw on the boat as the sun set in HK. It was the first time "The Generator" Nick Wynne actually generated something on that trip, with a little help from Dingo. It will be very hard to top that moment, not only on a footy trip, but for all time memories.

How many couches should a man own?

I have had some very cosy lounge room set ups over the years and I always say more is better. You can't have enough couches. More couches means more seats and more seats means more friends.

In previous editions, when asked how to deal with a dead body a number of players have answered you. How does that make you feel?

I don't know who you've been talking to, but I don't know anythin’ about nuthin' and nuthin' about anythin’.

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