QUICK HANDS: Tomi Johnston

QH: First off the rank – can you explain to the readers why you requested to be featured on Quick Hands?

TJ: Haha… Was a tongue and cheek comment which you have sensationalised here QH. Perhaps this is a deflection from the fact “Quick Hands” had lost its swagger of late?

QH: You’re a habitual man. So habitual we hear you ordered pasta from the same venue – Ragazzi – for 10 years the night before game. Is this true? What then caused a split leading to you switching allegiance to Derby Thai?

TJ: Tis true. Ragazzi (Albert Park) held a very special place in my heart for a long period of time (shout out to Effie & the gang down there!). Unfortunately, a change in the head chef saw their famous ‘chicken spirelli’ pasta lose its touch. This was a deal breaker.

I’ve signed a 1 year deal with Derby Thai focusing more on Asian cuisine & rice-based dishes pre-game. Recommend heading down to Grey Street for those culinary enthusiasts (if you can brave all that comes with the territory).

QH: Does it anger to constantly hear Clay Johnston referred to as the best of the three brothers?

TJ: Ha! I’ve never heard that expression!

QH: There’s been a lot of noise recently around your recent Instagram profile. What caused you to finally conform and talk us through your posting strategy?

TJ: Due to a pending legal dispute, I’m not at liberty to divulge such information. I’ll have to leave it at that for now. But lets just say, you don’t look like this from eating Cheese Toasties before training each week…  (QH: ‘He’ posts a photo of a cheese toastie most weeks before training)

QH: You take a lot of pride in your appearance, especially on game day. Do you cut the red off your socks to get the full black appearance to match with your black boots?

TJ: Big believer in the “look good, feel good” movement. The red is sometimes hidden but it is still very much a part of the overall presentation.

QH: Further to the above – a number of people have also questioned the additional white taping you get around your shins. Do you do this simply to make your legs look better?

TJ: Expected some better questions here QH – If you do your homework & look closely you will see no white taping. It’s simply an extension of my ankle strapping. To your point about the ‘legs’ - This look probably highlights the pins but it is done unwittingly. (QH: After consulting professionals, we’ve found that the height of TJs taping has no medical effects – therefore we can conclude that he does it purely for aesthetics)

QH: Besides yourself obviously – whose dress sense do you rate at the club?

TJ: When he gets his head right, which is not often, I think Duck can look sharp! God have mercy on Jake Williams for his wardrobe selection.

QH: How highly do you rate your singing ability?

TJ: I’ll let the people speak on my behalf…

QH: There’s rumours floating around about the time you were offering to sign the 2017 OXFC handbook as you featured on the cover? Confirm or deny?

TJ: Was this the 2017 or 2018 handbook? I encountered a very drunken Nicholas Serafini whom had recently retired. He joked about getting me to sign the handbook. Next thing I knew… I had the entire playing group/supporters lining up outside Orrong Road for a signature. It was a special moment. (turns out the jokes on me!)

QH: A few nicknames have come up in our research. Talk use through:

QH: Tomi 2 Time 

TJ: Marc (Wok) Johnston created this one… That’s what he refers to me from here on out. It has caught on with a few… (QH: We contacted Marc for confirmation here and he firmly denies)

QH: Mirrors

TJ: Mirrors tend to keep looking at me… Jake Williams’ old man actually gave me that one. (Used to get sprung looking at my reflection a hell of a lot, not so much anymore, I have got better at disguising it).

QH: Similar to singing we hear you rate yourself on the basketball court… But we also hear that your jump shot looks uglier than Rajon Rondo. Thoughts?

TJ: Have been called White Chocolate on the basketball court… The jump shot is a work in progress.

QH: Did you live off frozen Hawaiian pizzas for a majority of your single life?

TJ: I did – the McCain’s Hawaiian pizza got me through a lot of dark times. Still not much of a cook to be honest. Karina looks after me at home.

QH: Finally – who do you think is the best bloke at the club?

TJ: With blokes like Louis Denton & Jake Williams in the ‘sheds’ things from the outside may look like we are spreading ourselves a little thin but it’s quite the contrary. We have a good group. Hate to single out anyone but I will say, I’m excited by Trigar… Just when I thought I’d seen it all, this bloke has popped up and is a quick reminder that great people come in different shapes & sizes.

QUICK HANDS: Louis Denton

QH: You recently purchased a house (QH: Congratulations) with Xavs own Josh Anderson (QH: Bad luck). Two big alpha males in the same space was always going to be recipe for disaster and we’ve heard things have boiled over. What is the history here? And what’s your next move in this ongoing battle?

LD: This is interesting... not often do you come home after a long day at work ready for Bed and there’s a full-blown security camera installed in your bedroom staring at you right in the face.

Payback was to transfer Josh’s entire bedroom into an outdoor haven for a night. 

QH: Some of the VAFA’s best talent were sent to Ireland over the break, is it true you invited yourself as ‘water carrier’?

LD: Can confirm that my invitation was lost in the mail but they now call me “Unders Denton” (QH: Louis asked if we could insert his now infamous goal. We decided against it)

QH: Last year you were swamped with controversy after getting caught, and subsequently suspended for urinating on the oval during play. However, this isn’t first time this has occurred, with you once doing something similar over a past partners bedroom wall. Care to explain yourself?

LD: Still getting blamed for what the cat did... Unbelievable!  

QH: Not known for your fashion, you’ve recently been spotted using a “poisonous” red Louis Vuitton kit bag to games and training. Where did you get your inspiration? And who do you think is the most fashionable at the club?

LD: If it’s good for notorious McGregor to put his gloves in there... it’s good enough to put my 11:40am boots in there. Most fashionable at the club hands down Ben Banting only bloke I know who can pull off bootleg jeans and New Balance joggers on game day. 

QH: It’s game day, and you’re waiting in-line for a coffee at Toorak Park, to your astonishment, you’ve forgotten your wallet. Of the playing list, who is the least likely to shout you? 

LD: We already know the answer to this one, Number 5 (QH: Cauley Beetham) but second to him has to be Tommy Amad.

QH: It came as a shock to many that the Xavs were allowed back to Boutique for MayDay this year (QH: Tickets are still on-sale!). What did you do in 2017 that may make people find our return surprising?

LD: No comment. New Year, New me. 

QH: You get to pick one player to have a shot after the siren to win this weekend? The catch, however, is that if they kick it, you’re handcuffed together for the next 24 hours, if they miss, it’s a week. Who do you choose and why?

LD: Trig without a doubt. Love what he does both on and off the field.

QH: Finally, Helloworld are one of our terrific partners, as a man who loves to travel, where’s your next trip?

LD: Russia! 
 

QUICK HANDS: Tim Golds

QH: How does such a highly regarded junior athlete knock himself out playing soccer?

TG: The world game uses a shape of ball I am not accustomed to. Trying to do a bit too much with it can cause you to wake up at home in bed six hours later, unaware of what occurred to land you there.

QH: In recent times Boroonadara locals have seen an uplift in dogs ‘relieving’ themselves on lawns. Being a Hawthorn local can you confirm the allegation that it may not be the dogs? 

TG: Funny you mention that, I was just discussing with a colleague that I had noticed an increasing number of owners not picking up after their pet. Appears dogs are getting bigger as well…

QH: How did the self-anointed nickname ‘Teaspoons’ come about?

TG: Unsure about self-anointed, but certainly one I am aware of. Injury prone Old Xavs stalwart M Skene came up with this one following a ‘deal’ that was struck. Safe to say a few my closer mates have embraced it and it still gets thrown. No worries Adsy! (QH hears differently - Tim had claimed he was the "Steak Knives" of the Adam Treloar deal. Kindly he's friends were quick to bring him back down to earth).

QH: You’re a man that likes to keep his emotions in check, but on a recent trip to America things between you and U/19’s coach Declan Pittonet became heated. Quick Hands would like an honest recount of events, including how it made you feel?  

TG: After a long afternoon of beer pong (not my strong point), I was attempting to assist him in redoing his shoe laces. He became restless and one thing led to another. The great man decided to head-butt my fist. Bizarre from him. Regardless we kissed and made up pretty soon after. The one emotion I can recall feeling – sad. Checking the com bank app the next morning was a real eye opener.

QH: Music festivals give people an opportunity to express themselves and let it all hang out. What’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you at a music festival?

TG: I think I know, I have heard of the incident you are referring to. My gorgeous girlfriend Hannah advised me of what occurred after the fact. She was disappointed to say the least. Unsure what she was more disappointed about though… (QH: Tim was tearing the dance floor apart so much so he split his pants and continued to roll with it for the rest of the day)

QH: A close source to Quick Hands has labelled you ‘clumsy’. How do you plead? 

TG: I’m unsure what pleading the 5th means, but I’ll plead that.

QH: How do you react to numerous claims that you peaked as a 12 year old and rode the wave all the way to GWS’s number one pick?

TG: I would describe the journey from kicking 8 goals against Park Orchards with a torn quad one Sunday afternoon at Balwyn Park to the bright lights of Blacktown International Sportspark as….downhill. (QH: Below is actually Tim's AFL Player Profile pic. We would've drafted him with a pill like that as well)

QH: Name a GWS player who wouldn't get a game at OXFC?

TG: He is a huge Old Xavs fan I know, but unfortunately big Adam Tomlinson would likely miss out. The big T-Hawk would not be suited to VAFA football.

QH: James McDonald player vs coach.

TG: Honestly I am thankful that James now knows my name. Certainly avoided him in tackling drills back in the day.

QUICK HANDS: Tom Gilbert

QH: One of Old Xavs worst kept secret is that you love a beer! How are you faring with ‘Dry July’?

14 days in and going strong! Pretty confident I’ll be able to see out the remainder of the month. (QH: We hear different things... This was Gilbo on Monday night after a couple of quiet ones)

 QH: MCC civil procedure rule 12.4 states that ‘the consumption of beer at a rate quicker than 50ml per second is punishable by immediate explosion’. From your own experience can you confirm this rule?

Haha I wasn’t aware of this rule until one evening at the Big Bash. Things got a little out of hand. Luckily for me I escaped without conviction.

 QH: Do you struggle living in your younger brother’s shadow?

Look Jack is a talented cricketer, I will give him that. However, I’m fairly certain that I’m the only Gilbert on the board at Xavier for taking 6 wickets in an innings.

 QH: Any bizarre personal traits you've noticed amongst the playing group since joining the seniors?

To be honest I haven’t really noticed many as yet. Most of the guys seem to be relatively normal.

 QH: You were a budding young cricketer on the cusp of a Victorian contract. What happened?

I think having to stand in the field for 80+ overs, in 36 degrees, after making a duck whilst all your mates are at the races/down the beach started to get to me. So I decided so hang the gloves up at 21.

 QH: You find a dead body in your backyard – which Old Xavs player do you call to help you out?

Charlie Woodley would be the man. No doubt he would help logically sort out the situation.

 QH: How many nightclubs across Melbourne do you have a frequent user membership with?

Legitimately none. My partying days are over.

 QH: You run out of petrol on the highway. Naturally you call RACV and they tow you and your car to the nearest petrol station… What happens next?

Haha! We pulled up at a Carrum Downs servo and the bloke from RACV had a look and couldn’t find anything wrong, however he did recommended putting petrol in the car. The range on the car said 80km, so it couldn’t have been petrol! A few minutes later the car turned back on and I decided to drive off. Probably 300 metres down the East Link the car breaks down again and the same tow truck driver picks me up. Pretty embarrassing really. The next morning I put petrol in the car and it has been fine ever since. I am still convinced it was a problem with the radiator.

QH: Single out a teammate who you feel regularly dodges a shout and owes you a beer?

Tom Anderson often conveniently leaves his wallet at home.

 QH: You have a habit of bringing your mother to tears, name a recent example.

I wouldn’t say habit, but unfortunately there have been a few occasions. Most recently was a DIY haircut that apparently made me look like a “thug” according to Mum. My lovely Mother has had to put up with a lot.

 QH: Which player would you like to see featured on Quick Hands next?

James Midgley for sure. From memory he has some great stories of his time whilst working at Fergus cafe. The Malvern mums seem to love him!