QUICK HANDS: Tristan Parker

QH: What's your aversion to showering after a game or training throughout your entire career?

TP: My favorite thing to do after training or a game is to sit on the floor of my shower at home and doze off for a good 15 minutes. I have always had the belief that my own shower is far cleaner than the papilloma infested clubroom showers. (QH: We also know Tristan rates himself as a fashion king so needs to get home to get ready)

QH: Game's finished, you're at home on the couch (still in your footy kit after not showering). How many times do you refresh the VAFA site to see if you made the best?

TP: I generally hop onto the VAFA page around 5:55pm that night and begin refreshing the page from there. I have attached a snippet from the Bests from our most recent game against St Bedes two weeks ago. I was a little stiff however Milky did kick a bag of 9! (QH: He actually attached an screen grab of last weeks best. QH decided not to include it)

QH: You've recently found your niche working in property, an industry where the Friday lunch tends to get out of hand. How have you fared keeping up with your senior co-workers so far?

TP: It has been tough, I’m not going to lie. I often have to steer clear of my colleague. The Office Leasing Tycoon Edward Maas who is fast adopting the nickname ‘Sir Lunchalot’.  Working under one of the Xav’s club legends Nick Bourke (coach of OG’s) also helps with keeping off the grog on a Friday. Nick loves the opportunity over a 12 pack of dumplings to chew my ear off claiming Old Geelong will somehow miraculously be in A Grade in the next couple of years.

QH: Do you beg Mark (Your father) to come to every game just so he can count your stats?

TP: This may be correct, however in recent times he has been paying more attention to my little brother who refers to himself on the field as Jnr TParks, Achilles, Thor, The Fridge or Goldilocks.

QH: You and the legendary twos coach Murray Browne have a close relationship. How many times do you call him a week?

TP: The Muzanator and I have a strong bond. We like to discuss footy tactics and team updates when we have a little down time at work. How could you not be close with a superstar that can still tear up the dancefloor like he did in his playing days?


QH: Word is you frequently practice your pre-game speeches in the mirror on a Friday night. Confirm or deny?

TP: I have tried to raise the bar with the pre-game speech this year and yes there may be an element of rehearsal which takes place in my car on the way to the ground. I usually find that my rear view mirror works a treat.

QH: Once you've got your speech nailed - do you then try and find a new adjective to work in?

TP: I do try to squeeze in a few new adjectives from time to time. I might need to look at doings a few things differently seeing as we have had a string of ordinary starts this season.

QH: What does the sentence "On that Muz…" mean to you?

TP: I often get a tad excited and chime in with my two cents during one of Muz’s tactical speeches.  I sometimes interpose with “On that Muz” and spin out 30 secs worth of verbal diarrhea.

QH: Hollywood and Tickets are two nicknames that have followed you through your Old Xavs career. Why?

TP: Hollywood came about from the wordsmith James Meehan in under 19’s. You will have to ask him why. Tickets originated from the Anchorman movie quote “do you want two tickets to the gun show”, which Cauley Beetham started a few years back when my rig was in tidy nick as a result of a stellar gym routine. Cauley would regularly ask for tips on how to perfectly sculpt his guns and pecs in the lead up to summer and started calling me tickets from there.

QH: You and your lovely partner Dana recently purchased your first home. First off congratulations, however is it true that you're refusing to leave the family home and you’re still there eating Jenny's pasta every night?

TP: Thanks for the kind words Quick Hands. When you have a born and bred Italian mother named Generosa whipping up restaurant style slow cooked Penne with Italian pork and fennel sausage ragu on the regular you can’t blame me for not wanting to part ways.

QH: How many firsts games have you stayed to watch over the years?

TP: I have been known to duck off at qtr time of the first’s game. In fact, I actually braced the wet and windy conditions and stuck around for the recent game against Beaumaris to witness my favorite player of the club Clay ‘the craftsman’ Johnston put on a clinic in the last qtr to get us across the line. It was a great spectacle. If Clay continues to play like that I will be there every week!