QUICK HANDS: Charlie Woodley

QH: To ensure you get maximum freshness whilst showering do you use?

  •          a)     Soap – most normal people do.
  •          b)     Body lotion/moisturiser – my skin is important to me.
  •          c)     Toothpaste – Because I like to feel minty fresh all over.

CW: Definitely C – Colgate is my first point of call.

QH: What are some of the benefits of ‘shaving down’?

CW: Over my years I’ve come to the realisation that I operate a little better with the other sex having shaved down pre-game on a Saturday morning, thinking ahead to Saturday night. Makes me feel lighter on the field too. Highly recommend.

QH: Out of Nick Pepperell, Matt Douglas, Luke Pirrie and James Ulbrick – who’s the least missed at the football club?

CW: Well working backwards, Luke Pirrie clearly the most missed, he played in the first 18 as a year 10 student, he could have been anything.

Pepperell never played, so could be him.

I love Matt Douglas’ mannerisms and Brick wore my favourite number well in the big 23.

Pepperell is the least missed.

QH: You have a more intimate relationship with your bed than most! Discuss. 

Interesting question this one. Don’t we all love our beds in our own weird ways? Maybe I like my bed more than most.

QH: When filling up a diesel powered vehicle, you should always use ultimate unleaded petrol to guarantee elite performance, true or false?

CW: Hahahaha! Unfortunately the answer to this is true. I’ve denied putting petrol into Louis Denton’s diesel car for 5 years. I’m coming clean – I did it! He’s now in an X5 so everything happens for a reason.

QH: Is Cape Byron, just out of Byron Bay, the most eastern point of Australia? And on a clear day can you spot New Zealand from the lookout?

CW: Ha ha ha. This is a Denton family fabrication. Whilst holidaying with the Denton family in January of 2010, I made a comment about that island or whatever it is just off Byron to Jack Delmo (Ménage's lock-down defender). He wasn’t quite sure either so I said, “Is it New Zealand”. He ran off, found the rest of the Denton brigade and told them what I had just said – I’m still paying the price. Never take yourself too seriously!

QH: A lovely view no doubt, but it doesn’t compare to looking over Tasmania from the Portsea Pub? 

CW: I drink at the Sorrento.

QH: Why are you so fascinated by planes?

CW: Yeah I don’t actually have an answer to this question. Working in the western suburbs, planes are often flying over my head, I just find it curious as to where they are going, what type of plane it is and what the pilot is looking at, etc. I also don’t mind sitting in the plane viewing a car park and watching them roll in. Allows me to think about things.

QH: Imagine for a moment you’re an experienced SWAT team member. You’ve been called in to raid a potential hostage situation at the Sorrento Hotel. You arrive to find Nick Pepperell and Miles Pitt being held at gunpoint by terrorists. There’s only time to take out one of the terrorists, consequently saving only one of your friends. Who do you save?

CW: Hahah! I’m saving Myles. The Salt Bar must live on! Gee, Pep has copped it, hasn’t he!

QH: Are you still paying attention to these questions?

CW: Just.

QH: Have you ever lost a woman to flatulence (farting)?

CW: Thanks for clarifying what that means because I had no idea! Yes. In a cab. Not my best moment. Pretended I was a sleep to avoid embarrassment. She was also a belter… I’m continually finding new ways to cock things up.

QH: Where would your ideal place to have a family and raise children be?

CW: Kilmore. Hopefully moving up there later in the year to help ‘Pa’ on the vineyard. City Slicker getting out of his natural habitat and raising some Vic Country superstar.

QH: We have done a deep dive into your medical records and found that you claim to be from the Torres Strait Islands. Are these records correct?

CW: Hahah! Research has been done. My lovely mother had me at age 23. When filling out the forms on the arrival of her first born, there was an option to tick Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander. She knew I wasn’t an aboriginal, so she ticked Torres Strait islander.