QUICK HANDS: Cauley Beetham

QH: You’ve been affectionately named the ‘Toorak Park Butcher’. Who initially penned the term and why?   

CB: It’s a bit embarrassing, but from memory I had a good day on Toorak Park and I think it was Damo Ryan who said it was as If I was, “dicing up the opposition like a butcher to his meat”. That was how it happened.

QH: Explain your nickname – ‘The Duck’?

CB: Pretty uninspiring story to be honest! Apparently my swimming ability growing up was akin to that of a duck; floating on the surface type thing. I wasn’t a great swimmer. It just stuck I suppose.

QH: Your older brother was a self-proclaimed “star” of the St. Kilda Football Club, what was it like growing up with Caydn and is there any advice he has given you (life and football) that you hold dearly?

CB: Frightening...

Caydn has given me a lot of life advice over the journey with varying levels of wisdom. We were kicking in the backyard once when I was a child and he forced me to kick on my left foot, he said they were better kickers even though I was starting on the right.

Cauley Flag.jpg

QH: You often use Caydn’s fame to your advantage, particularly when entering 7 Night Club. Is there any truth to this statement?

CB: It was the other way around QH.

QH: Where do you rate your vocabulary and general intelligence among the group?

CB: Somewhere between Woodley and Gozo

QH: What are some of the dangers of practicing cricket shots in front of a mirror, without a shirt on?

CB: I would like to use this platform to once and for all quash a rumor started by the young banana eating, tree hanging primate Louis Denton that has plagued me for the best part of a decade. I severed my Achilles tendon in my room from a falling light shade. It did not involve a bat, a mirror or a cover drive.

QH: Your head is abnormally large. Discuss?

CB: Hat shopping has always been tough, cricket helmets etc.

QH: What's your obsession with Buddy Franklin?

CB: What’s with the Buddhist’s obsession with Buddha?

QH: Word is you severally overate your cricketing ability. Explain?

CB: There is nothing quite like the moment when you are playing backyard cricket and you realise that you have batted the field into submission. I rate my batting career on games called off due to rock solid defense rather than runs made which in some people’s eyes may not be the correct measuring stick.

QH: Do you regularly inhabit the dog house? If so, why?

CB: The chateau Doghouse! Nope don’t know it.

QH: Rumors are that you're dating your beautiful girlfriend Mad as you feel she's as close to a female version of yourself as possible?

CB: She’s also actually a really nice person, which is a bonus.

QH: What happened in your Year 12 English Exam?

CB: This is a sore point QH. Annoying story short, I skipped over a crucial section of supplied information. The demons really circled in the post exam conversations as I realised my error.

QH: You rate your fashion sense don't you?

CB: Bugger off QH

QH: The Great White Duck in action: