QUICK HANDS: Dan Noonan

Each week, we talk to a player to help us understand what makes him or her tick. Where better to start than with our new club captain Dan Noonan?

QH: When doing Hot Yoga what’s your standard attire you wear?

DN: I’ve recently taken a liking to Hot Yoga. I go with compression Lycra shorts for extra stretch and my charcoal lululemon t-shirt for its breathing abilities. (Constantly accused by Ed Lachal that I pinched that top from him, but don’t know what he is on about. I have the receipt to prove it.)

QH: Talk us through your first day working at Woolworths?

DN: Entertained the idea of working for Woolworths as a checkout boy in my later years of attending Xavier College. After a long, hungover, painfully boring full day of training at Woolworths HQ, I decided I had absolutely no interest in working for Woolies and what they stood for. However, Mum was seriously keen on me working there so I got dressed the morning of my first day at Woolies, drove to the Church St, Brighton store and sat in my car in the car park for a good 4 hours till my shift was over. Never went in. After my scheduled shift had finished, I went home and told Mum I had been sacked and they didn’t want me back.

QH: How would you go about mowing the lawn for your girlfriend’s family?

DN: Attempted this once at Lucy’s place in Anglesea. Pretty much cut the lawn at different lengths to look similar to the well-patterned turf at the MCG. Fair to say it wasn’t that well received. Two weeks later the masterpiece was erased. Lucy’s family haven’t let me near the mower since.

QH: How’d you fare in this matchup?

DN: I would say I gave a spirited, competitive effort against big Majak. He’s not the ideal match up as he’s twice as fast as me, can elevate 3m in the air to get the footy while I can barely leave the ground. Nevertheless, think I held him pretty well…he only kicked 6.4 for the day.

QH: Game on the line and we're down by 5 points - who don't you want to take the kick?

DN: Going to say Cauley ‘The Butcher’ Beetham. Although he has improved his kicking this pre-season, I have come to the conclusion that his hair just gets in his eyes and he can’t see. If he gets a haircut I might back him in. 

QH: Which team mate is most likely to avoid pre-season?

DN: Years gone by it has been James ‘The Houdini’ Ulbrick, forever blaming his shin splints which convinced the coaching and fitness staff every time. This year I would say Brendan ‘Ironfish’ Goss.

QH: Who has the worst fashion sense at the club?

DN: Never really understood Clay ‘Buddha’ Johnston’s kits. I would always ask him the time, as he wears these plastic Tamagotchi watches. He would tell me it was “fashion”! Louis Denton bringing a Louis Vuitton kit bag to training is bloody outrageous too.

QH: Which team mate is most likely to dodge a shout at the bar?

DN: Reckon it might be Ed Lachal, now that he has a mortgage. A sure bet that he will smoke bomb or invoice you on Monday for the VB.

QH: You find a dead body in your backyard - which team mate do you call first?

DN: Probably Josh ‘Chicks’ Anderson. I feel he would have some creative ideas and wouldn’t get rattled in a situation like that.

QH: Which player is under the thumb of his better half?

DN: A stab in the dark, Denis Sym I reckon. Reasons being, he continually gives suspicious answers avoiding getting beers with the boys.

QH: Brother: Beer or Banish which brothers who would you have a beer with and who would you banish?”

-        Tom Anderson or Josh Anderson?

o   Beers with Tommy. After Josh’s antics at Bieber I feel Tom is the safer option.

-        Nick Wynne or Tom Wynne?

o   Nick Wynne good half back, Tommy Wynne, excellent half back. Beer with Tommy.

-        Marc Johnston, Tomi Johnston or Clay Johnston? (Only one to have a beer with)

o   TJ would leave too early for my liking and Buddha (Clay) would leave to play with his cat. Beer with Marc.

-        Cauley Beetham or Caydn Beetham?

o   Beers with Cauley, needs a haircut first.

-        Matt Margin or Chris Margin?

o   Tough, but C margin for mine to drink with. Matt would be on Malta or some exotic island.

-        Louis Denton or Charlie Denton?

o   Has to be beers with Charlie. Louis would get in a fight or something similar to Portsea footy trip circa ’15.